How to get what you want by not being an asshole

I know a girl who is really pretty and smart but not very happy. She spends so much time on social media and compares her life to the ones around her and feels so awful about herself that she gets depressed and feels like her life is crap.

Social media is great but it really has the potential to make people feel like shit, only if the source of your happiness comes from having things outside yourself and not being grateful for what you have.

That’s why not being an asshole is the key to happiness and getting what you want.

This girl is like many, who doesn’t really live for others. She isn’t very giving yet expects the world to fall at her feet.

If we are selfish and unkind assholes and don’t care about others, the universe will respond accordingly and make life a living hell because that’s all you had to give was nothing! So you will get nothing but more lack. If you put out complaints about lack, you will continue to experience lack because the universe thinks you like to lack!

However, the solution is simple: STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE!

Look outside yourself at the world that needs you to stop complaining and lacking when it really needs you to be giving and receiving love!

Here are a few steps to transition out of being an asshole:

1. Stop criticizing others 

A.k.a letting things go. Whether you like it or not, whatever you give your energy to, will grow, just like the sun shines down on unwanted weeds just as evenly as it does to the plants you wish to grow. Criticizing excessively is like a disease. It is perfectionism. It stops people from being comfortable with just being themselves. It is like whining constantly on a long road trip. It creates insecurity and annoyance. Bottom line: everyone is different and will do things in their own time, how they do them. Learn to love and accept people just the way they are. Accept situations just the way they are unless they are intensely harmful, and you have to learn that you can’t change people, you can simply move away from the energy that brings you down. You don’t have to criticize the entire way. You can let go, let flow. 

2. Be grateful

This might sound redundant or like something you’ve heard way too much at Thanksgiving time, but it’s just truly power. This is actually key to stopping critical thoughts in their tracks. This is how you learn to love your life by appreciating what you have. If you always wish you had something else, the cycle will simply not end and there will be always something that makes you feel lacking. You already have so much. Open your eyes, breathe that air in your lungs, hug someone in your life who has given you something. It is a small start, but still a beginning.  

3. Do something for someone else/volunteer

Understanding other people is the best way to humanize yourself again and break the asshole shell. Nobody is asking you to go out and join the Peacecorps or change an elderly person’s diaper here. It could be as simple as making your loved one a cup of tea, taking the time to listen to someone who just wants to vent (without judging), or bagging your own groceries in the store (because the cashier looks tired and you can definitely do this on your own). Giving to others spreads good karma that will return to you one day. 

4. Get your head out of the clouds

Know that what people post online is their best foot forward. Most people have spent hours upon hours editing their content and social media is not necessarily representative of a person’s ugly truth. Social media is all about marketing and selling, so next time you see someone’s personal social media account that isn’t selling a specific product, what are they trying to sell to you? They are selling you happiness. If you want to constantly buy into other people’s idea of happiness without making your own, then you are screwed. Make your own happiness, so that you don’t have to buy into someone elses’ idea of happiness. When you view other people’s products next time, they won’t look so awful to you.

5. Check yourself

     Before you wreck yo’self. You are a friggin human being just like everyone else. Even if you were a ruler, you’d want people to treat you with adoration that you earned, don’t you? Otherwise it’s cheating and fake. The best rulers were adored because they showed people they actually cared and could get on their level. If you have a need to place yourself on a pedestal and belittle those around you, where did that come from? Do you not feel respected in your own life? If not, then start respecting others to get respect. Humanize yourself! before you wreck yourself. 

Meditation challenge: at the beach, off the phone

So today I decided to turn my phone off completely for hours. I got a text early in the morning during my drive to my friend’s house and ignored it because I didn’t feel like responding. I was thinking, driving, just being in my present moment.

I got to my friend’s house and we took off to go hiking in Malibu to see some waterfalls (something I’ve been wanting to do for years). Once I got to my friend’s house I decided to turn off my phone as more text messages flooded in. I only turned it on to take some pictures once we reached our destination, then turned it back off again.

We spontaneously decided to go to the beach and I wore my pink underwear and her tank top because I didn’t have a bathing suit! It was this little hole in the wall location totally away from most people. We had to climb through a hole in a fence and down some cliffs to get there but it was totally worth the danger and spontaneity. I laid down after enjoying the water and closed my eyes. I remembered how I am doing a meditation challenge and decided that I wasn’t going to let my location stop me.

I remember my late uncle, Paul, meditating any place he could. He would do it while riding in the back seat of cars, just anywhere he could. So I closed my eyes and started my deep breathing in and out and began counting. Any time thoughts came into my head, I decided to say to myself that I am loved, that I’m here. I love myself, I kept saying. I’m taking care of myself, I kept saying. I let myself take in the warm sun and the soothing sounds of the ocean, and was grateful for the spontaneous day, for my lively girl friend, and for the opportunity to be where I was. I took care of myself today. I kept my phone off. I did what my heart wanted and it felt so great.

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Affirmation: Clarity, Peace, Serenity

I know it’s cheesy, but this affirmation comes from a Fergie song, “Big Girls don’t cry.” There is a part of the song where Fergie talks about leaving her partner to go home and get some “clarity, peace, serenity.” I think that’s great because it’s what we all need even if we are in relationships. Last night I was having a hard time sleeping and I just wasn’t feeling good. As I laid down to try to sleep, I started thinking of what I wanted in my life and it was peace and serenity. I kept hearing Fergie’s voice in my head, calmly singing, “Clarity, peace, serenity,” and I fell asleep, not to awaken for many hours later.

And this morning, I have just been busy getting things done like gardening, walking with my grandma, and cleaning the house. It has been super productive. For a few seconds, I got that feeling back again, that ugly, fear, and I had to bring myself back to my present moment. The present is a gift. I am here only aiming to have clarity, peace, and serenity. Seriously just saying it out loud feels good and my head immediately is conjoined with my body and I remember all that I am here to accomplish in this life.

I just wanted to share how this affirmation has worked for me on this beautiful day. We are a gift to the world and achieve heaven when we are peaceful. That’s all I want for myself and for everyone alive out there these days.