A musician’s soul

A musician’s soul couldn’t be more sensitive. To be in tune with the deepest emotions experienced by a human being, a musician must be extremely sensitive. With that comes potential for great pain, suffering and being misunderstood, which is the trade off. I was listening to Chet Baker this morning and relating to his song, “I fall in love too easily,” as well as the song, “Everytime we say goodbye.”

Musicians/artists like him and maybe even me, want to love deeply. We are intense. Something definitely cracked within me as a child that made me always seek to close up my gap. I think people who live with pain have to do things to ease their pain like play music, write, create in any way/shape/form. It might seem like a curse/burden/certain degree of suffering, but I think it’s what comes with the territory of being a creator.

There’s something beautiful that came out of Chet Baker’s ability to express the feeling he experienced when he wanted to love a person with all his heart and maybe they didn’t return the feeling. How could normal people ever return the feelings of a deep, intuitive artist?

Lately, I’ve been playing guitar again. Regaining the dead skin on the tips of my left hand fingers, watching my veins protrude more and more every day on my hand. I am in love with music. It’s the thing that I can do every day that doesn’t feel like work, that never gets old. There’s always a new place to go, something new to learn, and it feels damn great.

When other things have grown confusing in my life, sitting with the guitar pressed against my body feels grounding, like I’m connecting to a greater source of love every time I play a new tune.

I get inspired when I hear songs. I don’t feel alone in my deep feelings.



My writing spiritual cleanse Day 5: Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose

Five days ago I had no pages of my script, but today I am at page 70. I was supposed to be at 75 today, but I had some MAJOR catching up to do so that’s where I left off. Pretty good, huh?

Today has been totally, completely awesome. I went to yoga in the morning and came home and got cracking on the writing. I actually had a bit of a challenging time sitting down and getting started, but once I did, the pages flowed like water.

I had some really encouraging things happen today as well. In the beginning of this year I reunited with an old friend, probably one of the oldest friends I have that I’ve known since I was 13 who is now a successful actor with connections. So we are planning to work on a project together soon. This is great news. I feel like I cleared out my past and enriched my soil so I could plant something new. Everything is coming together. My wildest, craziest dreams are coming into existence all because I listened to my heart, my gut. I knew my life needed to always be in this place where I thrive creatively. When I think of writing, I become full, giddy like a school girl in love with some silly boy.

But no. I’m in love with the world I am creating. This morning, I couldn’t wait to sit down to write. My characters were waiting to be fleshed out. I couldn’t ignore their voices.

I want to share something revelational with you right now. When you lie to yourself, you attract a world of lies. When you are afraid, you attract a world full of fearful people that are so separated from truth, from God.

But if you are truly brave and living your truth, your purpose, MAGIC HAPPENS QUICKLY. I continue to write every day with a truthful heart and clear mind. I was doing so much weird crap for so long, working in a restaurant, a casino, with kids, in a call center. Not being truthful to who I was. To who I am. That’s over now.

As a great friend of mine often quotes to me: Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.

It’s simple but it works and it’s essential for writing.

A hummingbird also flew into our house this afternoon. An omen, a good sign indicative of new beginnings.

Positive Affirmations to Change the World

Thoughts are really super powerful, which is why popular media and television are so heavily controlled and polluted with tragedy stories, gossip, and just plain nonsense.
If we really want to spread good news and empower people, we could advocate positive affirmations, inspirational stories, natural health tips, and financial and educational plans to improve every human being’s quality of life. We are going to get there, but as for now, and on the way, it’s best to stick with positive affirmations. Those of us that know what’s up, have to keep the torch of hope burning with goodness, peace, and positivity, so we can infect everyone else with it. “Kill em’ with kindness,” as they say.

It’s amazing to watch your thoughts and recognize that they really are what shape your reality. Whatever you “think” happens, if you think it enough. Like if you go the gym every day and pump iron, you’re gonna get buff, or if you study a language every day, you’ll learn it. Same thing with every day thoughts. If you think it enough, it will happen and become true.

I love this quote from Margaret Thatcher where she says:
“Watch your thoughts for they become words.
Watch your words for they become actions.
Watch your actions for they become habits.
Watch your habits for they become your character.
And watch your character for it becomes your destiny.
What we think, we become.
My father always said that… and I think I am fine.”

It’s so true.

The Course in Miracles lessons lately are getting pretty “holy.” It’s funny because my boyfriend has become really religious. He sort of became that way after the first two years after we started dating for his own reasons. Sometimes I tell him what I’m learning in the Course in Miracles and he’s like, “I’ve been telling you that for so long,” but he follows the Bible’s teachings and thinks the Course in Miracles is new age spirituality. I think it’s pretty much the same thing, the same ideas because he recognizes the ideas I’m telling him but he just got them from the Bible.


Lately, the Course in Miracles teachings have been getting very “Holy,” like the one for today which is “My holiness blesses the world,” or yesterday’s “My holiness envelops everything I see,” or the one before that which was, “My mind is a part of God’s. I am very holy.”

You can look at it as God’s teachings from the Bible or the Course in Miracles. It’s all good love, good positive energy that is mainly focused on changing the way we think to be more in line with “God” or “The Universe.”

It’s really been working though. Miracles are happening for me. I am saying what I want out loud to the Universe, staying in line with these positive teachings, seeing the holiness in everything I see, everyone I see or talk to, because we really are all connected. Nothing is separate. Whoever I see is a reflection of myself and I’m falling in love with everyone and everything. I don’t care if it comes from the Bible or the Course in Miracles, having positive thoughts about everyone around me is working. We can really only change ourselves before we can change anything or anyone else and it all starts with our thoughts.