How to get what you want by not being an asshole

I know a girl who is really pretty and smart but not very happy. She spends so much time on social media and compares her life to the ones around her and feels so awful about herself that she gets depressed and feels like her life is crap.

Social media is great but it really has the potential to make people feel like shit, only if the source of your happiness comes from having things outside yourself and not being grateful for what you have.

That’s why not being an asshole is the key to happiness and getting what you want.

This girl is like many, who doesn’t really live for others. She isn’t very giving yet expects the world to fall at her feet.

If we are selfish and unkind assholes and don’t care about others, the universe will respond accordingly and make life a living hell because that’s all you had to give was nothing! So you will get nothing but more lack. If you put out complaints about lack, you will continue to experience lack because the universe thinks you like to lack!

However, the solution is simple: STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE!

Look outside yourself at the world that needs you to stop complaining and lacking when it really needs you to be giving and receiving love!

Here are a few steps to transition out of being an asshole:

1. Stop criticizing others 

A.k.a letting things go. Whether you like it or not, whatever you give your energy to, will grow, just like the sun shines down on unwanted weeds just as evenly as it does to the plants you wish to grow. Criticizing excessively is like a disease. It is perfectionism. It stops people from being comfortable with just being themselves. It is like whining constantly on a long road trip. It creates insecurity and annoyance. Bottom line: everyone is different and will do things in their own time, how they do them. Learn to love and accept people just the way they are. Accept situations just the way they are unless they are intensely harmful, and you have to learn that you can’t change people, you can simply move away from the energy that brings you down. You don’t have to criticize the entire way. You can let go, let flow. 

2. Be grateful

This might sound redundant or like something you’ve heard way too much at Thanksgiving time, but it’s just truly power. This is actually key to stopping critical thoughts in their tracks. This is how you learn to love your life by appreciating what you have. If you always wish you had something else, the cycle will simply not end and there will be always something that makes you feel lacking. You already have so much. Open your eyes, breathe that air in your lungs, hug someone in your life who has given you something. It is a small start, but still a beginning.  

3. Do something for someone else/volunteer

Understanding other people is the best way to humanize yourself again and break the asshole shell. Nobody is asking you to go out and join the Peacecorps or change an elderly person’s diaper here. It could be as simple as making your loved one a cup of tea, taking the time to listen to someone who just wants to vent (without judging), or bagging your own groceries in the store (because the cashier looks tired and you can definitely do this on your own). Giving to others spreads good karma that will return to you one day. 

4. Get your head out of the clouds

Know that what people post online is their best foot forward. Most people have spent hours upon hours editing their content and social media is not necessarily representative of a person’s ugly truth. Social media is all about marketing and selling, so next time you see someone’s personal social media account that isn’t selling a specific product, what are they trying to sell to you? They are selling you happiness. If you want to constantly buy into other people’s idea of happiness without making your own, then you are screwed. Make your own happiness, so that you don’t have to buy into someone elses’ idea of happiness. When you view other people’s products next time, they won’t look so awful to you.

5. Check yourself

     Before you wreck yo’self. You are a friggin human being just like everyone else. Even if you were a ruler, you’d want people to treat you with adoration that you earned, don’t you? Otherwise it’s cheating and fake. The best rulers were adored because they showed people they actually cared and could get on their level. If you have a need to place yourself on a pedestal and belittle those around you, where did that come from? Do you not feel respected in your own life? If not, then start respecting others to get respect. Humanize yourself! before you wreck yourself. 

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Mourning fries to help with loss of loved one

A few months ago, a dear friend of mine passed away. The heartbreak is still very real. This was the first person I lost whom I loved deeply outside of my blood family. He was my chosen family, my heart, my soul.

The night I found out, I had just got out of work. I cried nonstop the entire night and knew I needed something to heal me temporarily. I needed something….

So I came up with this recipe.

I call it “Rickey’s mourning fries.”

The act of chopping took my mind off him. Frying transformed a basic potato into edible goodness.

Carbs are a source of comfort and the potato isn’t so evil like people think. People go out and do so much worse to cope with loss like take drugs, drink, or take it out on others. In eating a potato, you may be ingesting extra carbs, but know that you just have to go outside and walk for an extra 30 minutes and walking can be meditative and healing so no harm no foul. Besides, eating a potato is not the end of the world, especially when you feel like you’ve lost the world a.k.a your best friend. 

This recipe includes a few potatoes, a little salt and a pepper, a little coconut oil. That’s it. Basic. Like Rickey. 

Ingredients:

Potatoes (2-3 large russet)

1 tbs coconut oil

sea salt

black pepper

Directions:

Chop the potatoes into wedges. Heat coconut oil in a large skillet. Toss potatoes in the pan and make sure they get coated in the coconut oil. Let it sit for a bit and then toss again, making sure the potatoes don’t stick to the pan too much. 

Cover potatoes and let the steam help them cook. Toss periodically until all sides of the potatoes have been browned. 

Place potatoes onto a plate and season with salt and pepper.

I like mine with a little veganaise because deep down I must be European. 

Enjoy the comfort of homemade fries and if you feel guilty for eating carbs, go out and walk for 35-40 minutes and use the time to meditate, pray, unite with the universe’s goodness. We may lose people we love but it’s only from this plane. Somewhere they are serving as angels. The abrupt departure only means they were urgently needed elsewhere. 

Ingesting a little carbs for comfort is grounding.  Avoiding emotions by taking pills is not. Gorging on food is not recommended either. This is about wading through our toughest moments, knowing that we will get through it, with a lot of love, a lot of forgiveness and understanding, and a little plate of fries. 

5 ways to Compost emotions

In the spirit of cleansing out/cleaning for the new year, I went through my internet favorites bar, deciding what I was still interested in, had done or already read, and I came across this article “How to grieve, rage, and move on,” by Dr. Christiane Northrup about healing from our drama from the past. We always hear that phrase, let it go, move on, but we all know it’s much easier said than done. Well, this article was very informative. It actually provided some steps to moving on and dealing with our emotions.

What I mainly took away from this article was that everyone has crap they have to deal with in life, but you can choose to use your crap for good and help new things grow/develop. That’s the basic gist of composting. You take scraps and old food that you aren’t going to use and put it in a big bin/container with water, dried up leaves or paper, and air flow. Months later, you have fresh, enriched soil that you can use in your garden to make your new plants grow. It hadn’t occurred to me until today that this idea of composting can totally be applied to our emotions/ideas as well.

I’m a huge fan of recycling/composting. I think it’s great to be able to use our trash. What an amazing thing to be able to  apply the composting process with our old crappy memories, emotions, ideas!

We don’t keep trash in our houses, so why do we hang onto old emotions  in our mind’s house?  Just like trash, old emotions probably smell like hardcore shit and are rotting inside of us unnecessarily. What loves shit? Flies, bugs, that create worms, maggots, disgusting creatures that love to feed off of our old crappy emotions/ideas/baggage/pain, you name it from the past.

This became one of my goals for the new year, to compost my old ideas/emotions and get them out of my house/body/mind and put them in a place where they can be re-used rather than stored in my body or mind’s house.

What are ways we can compost our old ideas?

  1. Create.  I’ve done this a few times to deal with pain. I put traumatic experiences in my stories. I’ve had some crazy things happen to me, so what better way to re-purpose this than to put the drama into a fiction story. Hey, it has another life now and it’s no longer just part of my secret dramatic history. It can serve as entertainment or even a lesson for someone else to learn from my mistakes. Point is, it no longer just lives in me. It’s somewhere else.
  2. Exercise. Ever feel like punching/kicking something because you’re mad? Well, take up kickboxing or invest in a punching bag. This rage can help you get into shape. Don’t let it stay in your body.
  3. Give/Help. Don’t know what to do? Think about other people who have way less than you do. If you aren’t on the street, you have a lot. There’s nothing more humbling than volunteering your time to give/help someone who needs it by buying someone a meal, helping ESL learners learn to read, volunteering at a soup kitchen or even just donating your old stuff to Goodwill or letting someone crash on your couch. Giving is never unnoticed by the universe. We never lose anything we give away for free. It’ll come back to us in another way whether it means we’ve learned to let go or gave someone much needed warmth in the form of a coat or pair of shoes.
  4. Gratitude. Easy way to put you in your place and ground you. There are so many things we take for granted like the ability to breathe, have a roof over our heads, shoes on our feet, all our limbs, a job, a family, 20/20 vision, education, you name it. Make a list of five things you are grateful for every morning before you get out of bed. It’ll definitely change your perspective.
  5. Learn something new/be better. We aren’t defined by our past. We can definitely choose to be better. To learn alternative methods to healing and living a better life than maybe our parents did or those around us. We can always pull out old, rotting ideas that don’t serve us. Learning does this. We replace old ideas with new ones that are better, that feed us and others. This concept we learn easily in gardening. Maybe you choose to learn about composting. What could be greater and more symbolic than to actually understand the traditional idea of composting? You can literally see the process happening with old food and leaves/grass from your house. If you don’t have room for that in your own living space, it’s definitely beneficial to learn how to do this somewhere else such as volunteering in a community garden or even just researching online. Gardening is a gift. It shows us so much about the cycle of life and how anything in nature grows. It’s the same for us. We aren’t some mysterious being that is above nature. We require nearly the same things plants need to grow/thrive. Understanding this is life changing. I invite you to make the time for this.