Okay, so I’ve been meditating every day for the past five days. Things have already improved, mostly in my awareness of my present moment. I have this Lulu Lemon bag that has all these uplifting statements on it and I am reminded of the one that says, ‘creativity is maximized when you are living in the present.”
I find that things haven’t bothered me as much as they usually do. I just connect to myself and my breath and whenever I close my eyes and breathe in, it’s like I’m connecting with something that always says “thank you. Just be here. Stay here. Everything is happening as it should.” When I close my eyes, I feel this. When I hear people’s problems now, I am not affected as much.
I am the kind of person who can find the positive in most things. That’s how I get through some pretty atrocious experiences and go about my business. I’ve heard people’s problems lately and just let them talk, listen, and offer up the best possible understanding I can come up with that might help them think of an alternative way of experiencing their distress.
Meditation has helped me prioritize my responsibilities as well. For some reason, I feel like I can do everything that’s on my plate. There’s a switch that has been flicked on that keeps telling me, you can do all your projects. You just have to devote a little bit of time to all of them every day, even if it’s just thinking of them. It’s because I’m thinking in the present moment, feeling my priorities and dreams as if they were already living outside of my mind and heart, knowing that getting them out into the world is something that is happening, essential.
Went for a walk tonight and listened to John Mayer live which led to a night of being serenaded by the smooth sounds of Chet Baker. I started thinking about music and how much I love it, how that’s all I wanted to do growing up. Then I got one rejection from a performing arts high school that I really wanted to go to and I took it as a sign that I wasn’t meant to do music.
It’s funny. As an adult, I’ve received so much rejection but I’ve learned to take my rejection in stride. If something is hard then it has to be worth fighting for. I sometimes wonder if I need to look at music like that again because I love it, more than most things. You know how people always say things like, if you could do one thing that you’ve always wanted to do, what would that be?
For me, it’s play in a rock band and travel.
I’m in a groovy mood tonight, thinking about music, old loves, and my first love–the piano. From age four until sixteen, I sat at that thing for hours, nothing else mattered. I’d be sad or happy and I’d sit there caressing the keys, letting melodies come to me. When I don’t strum an instrument or get my fill of music every day, I get sad. Life isn’t worth living without music. That’s how I know I love it so.
I have a vision for my life that includes my own space with a piano present. At this time in my life I think that’s about all I need.
I’m going to be straight up right now. I was way distracted last week. I barely re-wrote anything. Earlier today as I sat down wanting to continue where I left off, I had to get real and go back to where I left off and that’s Day 12, where I was supposed to re-write pages 30-45. I got to thinking, that it’s better to go back there because every day Viki King has something to say about re-writing, some tips and I don’t want to shove all those tips together amongst the span of a few days, man.
I want to share that stuff, actual growth.
In a script, between pages 30-45, a character is going through initial growth. King says that you as an author may be going through similar things, like not wanting to change or grow and it hurts with every step that is taken. I can honestly say I feel this.
Re-writing is challenging for me. So much so that I distracted myself so much last week that I didn’t re-write more than 16 pages. I didn’t allow myself to grow with the script. Instead, I did other things that weren’t at all according to my plan and somehow the week came and went. It’s Monday. I’m still in the process of re-writing my pages 30-45. This blog helps keep me honest, faithful somehow. The only thing that feels good is being honest to myself and to my work. That’s the real growth for me as a creator/person right there. I need honesty in my life and that starts with me.