What we can learn from Leos

I love Leos.  I would probably take a bullet for one of my Leo friends because I know they would do the same for me. They have been the greatest friends to me and recently I had an epiphany about why I love Leos so much and what I can learn from them. 

1. Pride/Self Esteem

Some people might look at a Leo and say, that guy/girl is cocky as hell. Well, I think anyone who thinks that about another person hasn’t allowed their own selves to be the magnificent, unique, beautiful creature that they are, so they feel the need to criticize others who don’t have a problem being exactly themselves. Leos do not have a problem with being their own magnificent, unique, beautiful selves because they love to shine. They love being different, the center of attention. I don’t know about you, but I love to see a person being their wild, crazy, different, inspirational self. I love difference. I love boldness. We can learn a lot from bold Leos. Yea, they have a lot of pride, but that’s another word for self esteem, a necessary tool we all need to have under our belt. Having pride/self esteem means we believe in ourselves and we are great just as we are.

Having pride/self esteem also means we don’t accept crap from others. We know how great we are and anyone who treats us less than that can hit the damn road.

2. On your own time

So if you have more than one Leo in your life, you many know that they are notorious for being late! Well, they usually like getting gussied up even if it’s just to go out for a coffee or movie. This means that they are often spending more time getting ready than most. Annoying yea, but that means that they value their appearance and you must make an appointment with them. You can’t just show up unannounced or expect them to drop everything for you. They value their time, as we all should. We have priorities. They are great at being selfish and doing things on their own time. This can be perceived as negative by many and it is a bit, but it’s great to also value your own time, knowing that what you are doing is important and if anyone wants a piece of your time, they need to set a date/time, well in advance. Nobody needs to expect that anyone drop their lives for another person. Now, that’s selfish and disrespectful. Watch a Leo. They will not drop anything for you. They’ll fit you in when they can and when you can. No walk-ins here. Not for their services!

3. Loyalty/Respect

 

My two best friends are Leos. One I have been friends with since I was in high school. The other used to be my boyfriend but we decided to stay friends because we really love each other, just not being in a relationship with one another. Point is, they are ride or die friends that I can count on for anything. They are incredibly loyal, a fixed sign, so that means they are definitely more stable as they concentrate energy and solidify ideas.

Aside from loyalty, there is respect. Because a Leo values his/her time so much, if they are going to spend their time with you, you better believe that they are going to make it special, meaningful. Placing value on people means showing them respect and dignity. When you treat others that way, it just makes them want to show you the same.

 

4. Positive

A Leo is a very positive person. They have energy for days and are always looking on the bright side of things. They like success and want to see others succeed as well. Being positive means attracting more positivity into your life.

5. Passionate

Leos really do value their time, so if they are going to spend time with anyone or doing anything in particular, you better believe they are going to make it worthwhile. So that means that anything they do is done with passion,  Anyone they love, they love with passion. They bring a certain excitement, vigor, with a clear set goal in mind. This is a great way to live your life. With this mindset and value system, anything you want to accomplish will get done and done well.

I love Leos, as you can see, because they have taught me so much about how to be a good, kind person, to defend their friends, lovers, and families. A lion or lioness can be intimidating to some, but it’s like having a ferocious, wild animal as your friend or lover, holding you in highest regard, protecting you from predators in this jungle we live in. I don’t know about you, but I think that’s pretty dang awesome and I have learned to be more bold and loyal from my Leo friends more than any of my others.

 

Love is making sweet harmony

This above photo is everything I know love is. The guy sits with his back pressed against this girl, so close, just enough to get the job done and that’s play a guitar together. To teach, to learn, requires openness, working together for growth, for one common goal and that’s to make sweet harmony. When you have found such a thing, a person to make music with, you may never want to let them go.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone all the time. Key word is wanting. There is no freedom without boundaries, especially in love. Not being with your special person all the time is essential but that doesn’t mean you can’t long for their presence.

When you find yourself maybe not really caring or wanting to be with that person all the time, then maybe it’s really not love.

Love is loving to look into your special person’s eyes. Not wanting to turn away ever.  Love is knowing that they find you to be the most special person in the world. Love is accepting the imperfections of another. Not needing to fix them but accepting them and finding perfection in their imperfection. Love is always wanting to support their dreams, providing distance when necessary but always an incessant, burning devotion. Openness. Complete dedication to that which is special, the thing that pulls people to each other in the middle of the night. Sharing honesty. Not wanting to be away. Not needing to be drunk. Not needing to hug others, kiss others, sleep with others. No one comes close. No one gets it like you two do.

Love is wanting your special person to be better and healthy so you two can stay alive long together to make creations, children, be grandparents, supporters of future generations, the backbone of a family. A sacred tree that is strong and special when two creatures in nature cross-pollinate.

Cross-pollination is love. Alone, we can’t achieve such miracles. When you know you can cross-pollinate with another, you simply must have to. You simply must defend this ability given by the universe. It’s your duty to defend this love.

Love is never letting go when it’s hard, only when necessary for growth. Love is knowing when you are wrong and sometimes letting the other person be right when they are not just to humor them for a few hours.

That’s the kind of love I used to believe in but let selfish people convince me wasn’t right. They were wrong.

 

 

A new Job, new day

So last year I decided that if I was going to teach again, it was going to be something more focused, something that I really cared about and felt would make a difference. I found this organization called Enrich LA and started interning with them as a garden assistant. Fast forward to eight months later, and I’ve been hired as a Garden Ranger!

The interview was super unconventional and totally personal, you know, all those things that are against the rules to ask, but I find it rare to meet people who have the courage to go there, to find out the truth about others. The executive director of Enrich LA, Tomas, is this high energy Irish dude who immediately told me that he had two goals: to meet me and to scare me away. I was totally drawn to that because I get scared away easily by a lot of things actually. I’m pretty intuitive and I find that I’ve often interpreted my trepidation as fear rather than that gut feeling that I know better. This feeling has steered me into one of the most unexpected directions in my life but the freedom I experience everyday is beautiful, free, and essential to my being as an artist, dreamer, and spirited individual.

So I accepted the job and I’ll be teaching kids about gardening. Gardening has been one of the most essential learning tools in my life. It has taught me patience, kindness, consistency, dedication, how to identify things, when to let go, etc. I’m so excited to share this passion of mine with kids and with some adults even. I knew that I was in the right place meeting Tomas and working with this organization. Tomas says whatever he means with no filter. I have a huge filter and I asked the universe to guide me and I was answered with the opportunity to speak up, to voice my opinions, to be heard and appreciated for my heart’s efforts. I have a huge heart and I love to give. I am just so excited to move forward with this endeavor.
I find it interesting that all these really awesome amazing things have been happening since my breakup. It’s like the universe is reaffirming me that my life is way more important and there is way more for me to do than to dwell on some dude, even if I love(d) him. I think meditation has a lot to do with it as well. Every morning I wake up grateful and set the best intentions for myself and others, just by saying that I love myself, I am fulfilled, and I’m worthy. I really do wish the best for everyone. We all deserve happiness and love. It’s the only way to go around thinking.

Feminist Letter to my hypothetical boyfriend

I know you have secrets. I must not toughen up but smarten up. My intuition tells me things my mind likes to ignore. All around me are seers, sensitive spirits who give insight, treasures of wisdom, things ordinary people who are so consumed with regular things, just don’t see. I know you have secrets that you hide. I can feel it somewhere in my heart, these secrets that you hide. I’d like to know what these secrets are, these truths you don’t fully reveal.

I want to know I am living a truthful life. If it’s anything less than truthful and completely honest, I don’t need it. I just need truth and honesty, faith, purity. Focus on my career and the path toward complete greatness, compassion, love, freedom. That’s all I require. I let go of my past, my itchy urges to invite fear in. Anything less does not serve me and my greater purpose.

The sensation pulses through my fingertips, up into my forearms, surging from my heart center because this is my truth. This is purity. This is everything I have to offer. If we are to be together, I require honesty. You must understand that I see this. I see you. I look for evidence of your infidelity but you are a master of hiding things, or are you just really that truthful?

I’d like to know I am heard, that I am cherished as a special person, because that’s what the mother of your children needs to be, a special person. A queen. And you can be my king but you need to show me more. Show me more. Show me your hand. Are we the same beast that protects its heart at all costs until the other throws in the towel? Or are you just playing around? My instincts say you aren’t playing around but you haven’t fully let go of people from your past. I only want to make new memories with you, ones that are so much better than any you could have had before with any of those clowns who aren’t as deep as the queen I am.

Secrets. We all have them. I had them, but my heart wanted you more, so I let go of all those secrets and they weren’t secrets anymore because they no longer existed. I want to be a part of your life, greater than anyone else has been or ever will be. I’m the first. The best. The last. The only. I hope you know that.

Cultivating our own reality

There is nothing we don’t see in our world that we didn’t put there, whether it be beautiful or ugly.

I sat this morning watching my grandma eat cereal covered in aspartame mixed with fruit and thought, “you are going to kill your brain cells and give yourself indigestion, all before 10am?”

I could feel my blood boiling and my energy sinking because I felt powerless. As much as I’d encouraged my grandmother to eat healthy and even offer her healthy options, she still chooses her own set beliefs and actions. Within the same minute, I received a text message from the person I am dating and smiled with joy,  thinking…”how grateful I am to have you in my world.”

You see, there are two things going on here: a positive new beginning, and an old encrusted stubborn way of being.

I brought my dude into my world and have kept him here with my positive thoughts. I usually go out with very positive people, just bursting with good vibes and love.

But there are things like my past and my family that make me wonder about what their presence in my life has to teach me. I have heard Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer say that we choose our parents because they are the best people to teach us what we need to learn in this life. I think that’s great and true.

As a 30-year old female, I am thinking about my future legacy a.k.a having children. All the women my age are. It’s just the way it is. Not to say, we aren’t thinking about our careers and our own growth/development, but we are also thinking about our children.

I’ll be honest in saying that I’ve held out this long without having kids because I really wasn’t ready. It wasn’t until the last three years that I became aware of my subconscious beliefs and finally came to terms with my dark fears and let go of resentments. If I hadn’t done that, I probably would’ve passed this on to a child and the cycle of destruction would have continued.

I am a very loving person and I think love can come very easily to people if you let it. I attract love into my life every day because I choose to think loving thoughts. I wasn’t born into this, believe me. I come from a fearful family. Somehow I knew my family could be so wrong as a child. I like to think of it as guardian angels whispered into my ear and said, “this isn’t the only way to be.”

Nowadays,  I look at being born into my family as a lesson. It’s my life lesson to learn to accept myself completely even though it’s often been implied that I wasn’t good enough. It’s my challenge to believe that I’m completely perfect and cultivate love for the most vile and mean-spirited personalities because really they are just hurt, fearful people who are in desperate need of love. Loving stubborn people even when they are set in their ways can be challenging but one of the greatest and essential spiritual lessons to learn.

Something I’ve been dealing with is just leaving people alone and letting them be even though I can see their path to destruction. Trying to pull people off their set paths is like a human trying to stop a bullet train. You’ll kill yourself trying and the bullet train will just keep on going and inevitably get to its destination.

What can I learn from this?

I’ve heard many say that the best way to take care of others is to take care of yourself first. You can’t change people. You can only change yourself first. People come into your reality because you needed them there to teach you something. You asked for them to be in your life somehow, in some way, shape, or form. I see my lessons before me every day because I encounter three generations of behaviors and the opportunity for me to be different because I make the effort to be aware and change.

The power of goodbye

There can be a real fear in letting go of something or someone you have held for a long time because you don’t know if you will ever find it again or be alone forever. There’s a real comfort in our bad habits that end up becoming learned behavior. We really get upset because we accept things that we know in our hearts are not what we want and resentments build, cancer forms, and there goes your life.

I was in a relationship for six years that wasn’t right. I went to Arizona because I wanted to see if I could live without him and I could. I told myself that I didn’t want to let go of the relationship because I had invested so much time and I loved him. I thought that the harder something was, it was worth the time, worth fighting for, so I held on and got more and more angry, accepted more and more.

But in all reality I was not happy. I knew what I wanted in a partner and as much as I had thought I had convinced myself that what we had was okay, it really wasn’t. Time or marriage wouldn’t have changed that. I know that now. I knew it then. I knew it from the first Christmas when he didn’t make time for me. We were always meant to be friends. Just friends, writing partners, not lovers. And we finally agreed to let it go.

One night not long after, I had a really good cry, felt it deep within my heart, like something was being ripped from me, you know the way you feel when you get sick and are detoxing something nasty from your body. The next day, you feel great. That’s how I felt.

I can honestly say that I feel better with letting go of my long-term relationship. Thirty and all. I mean, it can be scary to be a single, 30-year old woman with no kids but I feel lucky. I have no baggage.

I think of that line from the Fleetwood Mac song, “Landslide,” that goes: “I’ve been afraid of changing because I built my life around you.” I was so afraid of letting go before for that very reason, but not anymore. There is a real power to letting go, saying goodbye, closing doors, and maintaining mystery in the future. At least I have yoga, so far the real love of my life.

Long Distance Love

I have been in Arizona for almost one year. I came here last May and started this blog. It’s been really awesome and I almost don’t want to go back to Los Angeles because I feel very detached from all prior worries yet still full of love from my best friends and family. It’s strange. I didn’t think I would feel that way coming here because you know, you leave your home state and city that you’ve lived in your whole life and go somewhere new with no expectations, so you don’t know what you are getting into. But somehow I made it through nearly four seasons of Arizona, including one hell of a summer.

Coming here last May I just jumped right in with an open mind but of course made sure I rooted myself in my yoga practice. I have to say my yoga practice has kept me going and vitalized. And wherever I go, it’s one thing I cannot live without.

I guess I’ve been feeling a little weird about leaving this place because I cultivated a beautiful peace, learned and discovered so much while being here: Kombucha making, blogging, detox dieting, A Course in Miracles, growth in my yoga practice, and even a more disciplined writing practice, and truly enjoying the company of myself.

I absolutely love, love, love being in solitude. It’s how we introverts recharge. We can be around people sure, but being in solitude is how we get that energy back. So I’m really grateful for this time that I have because I get to think and be with myself.

And a word on long distance relationships, hey, I did it. I’m doing it. It can be done. It’s hard sometimes but for the most part I recommend it if you are thinking about marrying someone. If you can live without that person and still be in love, then that’s a great thing. My relationship actually grew stronger while I was away because I got more focused on myself rather than whether or not my relationship was going anywhere, but we talk nearly every day and I don’t even trip when we don’t because I know we are busy with good reason. I give him the space he needs to get it together and he gives me mine. No jealousy, no expectations, no worries.

People are unhappy in relationships when they don’t like their own individual lives.

Doing long distance gives you the time you need to focus on you and what you need rather than worry about what the relationship needs or lacks, or whatever. I’m in my late 20’s so I have a lot of girlfriends who are either getting married, or wanting to get married and sort of worried about it. I think when you stop worrying about all that mumbo jumbo and focus on yourself, then it’s not an issue. I always ask myself whenever I’ve worried about marriage: Are you really where you want to be in your life?

And then I say, no and it immediately snaps me out of that and I just go back to my life, and remember, oh yea, I have goals, duh!

I had these thoughts today as I thought about what it would be like for me when I return to Los Angeles in the spring. I want to feel positive about my actions. I’m extremely grateful to be here right now. I just want to continue feeling positive about moving home to assist my grandmother because she needs the help.

No matter where I go, I am with myself and I will carry the love I worked to cultivate.