Missing my Piano

Went for a walk tonight and listened to John Mayer live which led to a night of being serenaded by the smooth sounds of Chet Baker.  I started thinking about music and how much I love it, how that’s all I wanted to do growing up. Then I got one rejection from a performing arts high school that I really wanted to go to and I took it as a sign that I wasn’t meant to do music.

It’s funny. As an adult, I’ve received so much rejection but I’ve learned to take my rejection in stride. If something is hard then it has to be worth fighting for. I sometimes wonder if I need to look at music like that again because I love it, more than most things. You know how people always say things like, if you could do one thing that you’ve always wanted to do, what would that be?

For me, it’s play in a rock band and travel.

I’m in a groovy mood tonight, thinking about music, old loves,  and my first love–the piano. From age four until sixteen, I sat at that thing for hours, nothing else mattered. I’d be sad or happy and I’d sit there caressing the keys, letting melodies come to me. When I don’t strum an instrument or get my fill of music every day, I get sad. Life isn’t worth living without music. That’s how I know I love it so.

I have a vision for my life that includes my own space with a piano present. At this time in my life I think that’s about all I need.

 

 

 

Staying Pure inside and Out

For the past few days I’ve been on a mission to cleanse myself via eating raw food (as usual). I basically did it because I wanted to feel lighter since we are approaching summer and feeling light is just awesome. What I noticed though is that when we eat pure, every aspect of our lives gets pure as well.

We want to hang with good people, we want to do the right thing, we want to be clean, productive, helpful, and kind. If we are treating ourselves right, then every other aspect of our lives is rewarded.

I noticed that today, as I woke up and my mom wanted to get into a fight with me about mess in my grandmother’s house. It’s been a challenging situation here in my grandmother’s house lately. I basically moved to L.A. to help take care of my grandma, but now I guess my mom’s going to be moving in here permanently within the next two weeks, and I will not really be needed.

Since I’ve been back, I’ve been sleeping on a couch, living out of my car, and just transitioning to sort of just be here and cook and clean for my grandma. I even encouraged her to start doing yoga, which really helps her when she feels motivated to do it. Elderly need companionship. We don’t believe in putting her in a home or hiring a caregiver. We are her family, so that’s our job, and that’s what I was crashing on a couch for. But crashing on a couch is challenging. Not having your own space is rough and if two people don’t have their own space, it’s rough for both parties. My mom has been living here too. She feels comfortable spreading her clutter wings while I try to maintain my possessions. People come to visit my grandma often so having it cluttered is really not pleasant for visitors, or anyone really (except maybe a packrat or hoarder)

Now, with my mom coming in here, with all her clutter, the idea was really getting me crazy, but eating raw has made my head more clear and more relaxed. I know that I will probably need to get my own place now. Everyone needs their space, and with two people crashing on a couch, or two couches, that’s just nuts!

 I really don’t want to leave a house that has kale, basil, mint, tomatoes, lemons, oranges, avocados, and pomegranates growing in the yard, but a girl needs her sanity and that comes with having a place to hang your hat.

Right now that place is a combination of a dead man’s room, my car, and a couch.

I started envisioning what I wanted. And that’s the way to stay pure. Regardless of what darkness that may exist, you surround it with goodness, and the bad will melt away.

And then I got an email from a lady who is giving me an opportunity to write guest blogs for her website. My insides were glowing with excitement, and I felt even better from eating raw food. In with the good, out with the bad. I swear, eating pure and regular detoxification can work wonders.

We are where we are supposed to be. I have to remember, that everything is okay. I’ve done what I could here. Now, it may be time to move this ship somewhere else.

I feel grateful that I’ve been able to live here with my grandma. She’s an amazing lady and I enjoy talking to her. She has this amazing peace and rationale about her that I admire. The Aquarius knows what’s right. They make good and fair decisions and they always want to be peaceful. I just have to focus on the good.
I stay strong in reaffirming to myself that “all my needs are met” and “I am exactly where I am meant to be today.”