Day 20 of 21

I’ve got some demons in me right now. The writing will purge them out of me. I can totally be honest in saying what it is that bothers me even if it’s not completely positive all the time. I find myself wanting to be cautious now that I have some followers, but why should I be? I’m not writing vulgar things. This is a documentary of a diet cleanse and why should I censor myself when I am writing exactly what I’m feeling?

I guess today when I woke up I got upset because I’ve been wearing these big ass shorts that I bought when I first came to Arizona because it was so hot and I barely had any clothes and I needed shorts. Well, now that I’ve been cleansing and exercising, those shorts don’t really fit me anymore. They are super huge! Great news, right?

So I went to my closet and I looked in two bags where I keep three pairs of pants that I used to wear when I was thinner. I started thinking I had come really far so I tried them on and they still didn’t fit properly. There’s nothing like trying on clothes that don’t fit to put you in a funk. Yea, that’s pretty much why I got mad this morning. Yea, I’m one size away still. Like I mentioned before, vanity is not my only motivation for weight loss and healthy eating, but I thought I was there already. I guess I shouldn’t get down on it so much because I have lost weight. It’s a freaking journey. Really. It’s not like I’m going to do one cleanse and I’m going to fit into my pants that I was able to wear three years ago.

I gained thirty pounds over the course of three years, so I have to give it time to fully get back to where I was before. I’m almost there. This cleanse is nearly over but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop eating right. I have to keep going. I’ve worked too hard to give it up.

I mean, I feel really good. My skin looks great, I’ve lost weight, I don’t get sick, I think positively. Should fitting into a pair of pants really be the measure of my progress? I don’t think so.

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